St
Mary’s Sermon May 7, 2006
Next
Sunday is Mothers Day. This morning
I want to share some of my thoughts about Mothers, motherhood and Mother’s
Day.
Mothers
Day is more than Erma Bombeck-type humor and wisdom or sentimental verses on a
greeting card.
Over
the years when I was growing up I certainly made some inelegant gifts for my mom
for Mothers Day. (Whatever the
project was supposed to be, sadly most of them ended up as potholders or vases)
In spite of artistic limitations, they were enthusiastically presented by me,
and graciously received by my mom.
Now
I have been on the receiving end of similar gifts on Mothers Day made by my son
Michael and daughter Katee. And no
matter how imperfect they were I considered them to be wonderful treasures.
I
was born in Korea (many, many years ago). My
Korean mother named me Soon-keum, which means “pure-gold”.
Because of circumstances in the world and in my mother’s life that she
could not change, she made the painful but courageous and selfless decision to
let me go from her. This
devastating choice is made every day by mothers all over the world.
I
was nearly 5 years old when I came to my adoptive family in Brownsville, Oregon.
I became Susan Gourley.
More
than 250,000 children have come to their families through intercountry adoption.
I was number 167. My parents
and I were pioneers in this process we now call interracial adoption.
For the first time, children of one race and nationality were adopted by
parents of another.
Because
I do not look like my mother, I have spent a life time being asked “who is
your ‘real’ mom? This question
demonstrates how misunderstood adoption can be to those outside of the adoption
experience.
Chung
Kwan Ja was my first mother. But
Janie Gourley is my mom. My “real
Mom.”
We do not share biology, but we share history and are connected by the
kaleidoscope of daily living that makes up the tapestry of family.
We have lived through all the experiences, good and bad, that families go
through together.
I
always knew I was with the family that God intended.
I couldn’t imagine anything else.
But it did not take away the wondering about who I looked like. I longed to know who was this woman who had given birth to
me. It in no way minimized my
connection to my family, but the connection to my birth mother was also
undeniable.
When
I learned that I was pregnant and going to be a mother my first thought was
“finally, I will have some one who looks like me!”
God obviously has a sense of humor because I gave birth to two blond
haired children to do not look at all Korean.
Adoption
brings God’s order to the lives of children.
But adoption is also bittersweet.
The
bitter reality of adoption is that it represents profound loss.
For
the birth mother, it is the loss of giving birth to a child she will not parent.
For
the adoptive mother, it can be the loss of the dream of giving birth to a child.
For
the adopted child, it is the loss of the mother you were born to.
But
there is also the sweet.
For
the birth mother, there is the blessing of knowing the child she gave birth to
will be loved and cherished.
For
the adopted mother there is the blessing of having a child to love and cherish
as your own.
And
for the adopted child, there is the blessing of being loved and cherished
unconditionally.
I
am old enough to remember a time when being a single mother without the benefit
of a husband was unthinkable; the stigma was too devastating for the mother and
her child. The word
“illegitimate” was a familiar one in our vocabulary.
Thankfully times have changed and many women choose either by birth or
adoption to be single parents.
In
today’s society, if a woman becomes pregnant and chooses to parent as a single
mother, generally her family and friends come forward to support and encourage
her. That is of course as it should
be.
But
if a woman becomes pregnant and chooses not to parent, but to place her child
for adoption, the most likely response is not of encouragement, but of
disbelief, how could she possibly give away her baby?
For
those mothers—Mothers Day is at best, bittersweet.
I
think of my birth mother for one reason or another throughout the year.
But I know with certainty that there are two days that she will be a
strong presence in my life. One is
my birthday-the other is Mothers Day.
I
have always honored and celebrated Mothers Day with my mom.
But I also honor my birth mother quietly in my heart. Several years ago I
reclaimed my Korean name. It was a
tangible connection to my birth mother and my beginnings.
There
is no singe path to motherhood—there are many.
There are mothers by birth, adoption, step parenting, grandmothers who
become mothers to their grandchildren. We
all know wonderful women who do not have their own children, but are beloved and
important in our children’s lives.
This
Mothers Day as you celebrate the important women in your life—remember that
motherhood is infinitely more complex than the flowery sentiment on a greeting
card. Acknowledging and honoring
all mothers, however they fit into our lives, will help bring the sweetness of
Mothers Day to every mom.
Susan
Soon-keum Cox