In our Gospel today we are introduced to the character Nicodemus. Nicodemus was a wealthy, well respected member of the community. He was also considered to be a leader among the Jews. He had been hearing about this Jesus guy and was intrigued. He had some questions, and so he goes to Jesus to try and get his questions answered.
The Gospel says he went in “the dark of night”, which could be because he wanted secrecy. He might also be concerned that he would lose his reputation if he ends up following Jesus. John’s is also a highly metaphorical Gospel, and when he talks about darkness and light there is usually a deeper meaning. The darkness and night could also represent confusion in Nicodemus’s mind about what is going on. But he is interested, and so goes down in the dark of night, lurking in the shadows, and asks Jesus some questions. Jesus gives answers, and there is some back and forth. I get the sense in this Gospel that Nicodemus probably left a little disappointed, that his questions were not as clearly answered as he would have liked. If this was the end of Nicodemus’s story, it would be easy to say that he had just been a foil for Jesus’s teachings. There are a lot of great teachings in this section of the Gospel: For God so love the world that He gave his only begotten Son; being born anew with water and the Holy Spirit. It would be easy to think Nicodemus was just a foil to get these teachings out, but Nicodemus shows up again in the Gospel.
The next time he shows up is when Jesus is in Jerusalem for the Festival of the Booths. Jesus has been getting a lot more people around him. He has been going to the Temple to teach during the day, and the religious leaders, of which Nicodemus is one, are getting upset with Jesus. They think he is committing blasphemy, and some are calling for him to be killed. Nicodemus is there for one of these conversations with other leaders who are figuring out ways to arrest Jesus, but have been unsuccessful. Nicodemus tips his toe in the water of what it might mean to defend Jesus. He doe not give a full-throttle defense of Jesus. He does not say I am following him, or yes, he is the Messiah, or yes he is the Son of God. He asks if Jesus should not have a trial first. Shouldn’t he be given his due process before we execute him? Nicodemus puts forth a very basic, simple defense. Perhaps he is testing the waters as to what would happen if he came out in full support of Jesus.
Nicodemus gets a lot of push-back from his friends, clearly showing that if Nicodemus had gone to see Jesus in the light of day, he would have been shunned by his friends. He might have lost his position in the community. This is the end of the second story of Nicodemus.
Nicodemus comes a third time in the Gospel, at the end of Jesus’s life at the crucifixion, after Jesus has died. Remember that almost all of Jesus’s friends had abandoned him, but there are a few who don’t. The women don’t abandon Jesus, the beloved Disciple is at the foot of the cross, and there are two more men, Joseph of Arimathea, and Nicodemus. He is there when almost every else has abandoned Jesus, and with Joseph they take his body and bury it. Nicodemus is the one who provides the oils and perfumes and spices, about 100 pounds of them. This is a big investment that he is making in caring for Jesus’s body. They are hurrying to do this before it gets dark. The first time Nicodemus comes to Jesus it is in the dark, and here we have Nicodemus in the light where everyone can see that he is by Jesus’s side.
There is an arc in the Gospel of Nicodemus moving from wondering and questions, lurking in shadows, to dipping his toe in the water, to having the courage to be there by his side when everyone else says Jesus is a criminal. It is a remarkable transformation that Nicodemus has over the course of the Gospel. Tradition tells us Nicodemus went on to be a follower of Jesus who was ultimately martyred for the faith. Many churches and denominations throughout the world have a Feast Day for Nicodemus in August.
This transformation is interesting when we put it in contrast to the conversion stories of other Disciples. The stories that we heard during Epiphany, of people like Peter and Andrew and Nathaniel. Peter is fishing, and Jesus says come and follow me. Peter drops everything, leaves his home, leaves his family, leaves his fishing and follows Jesus, just like that. Andrew does much the same thing. When Nathaniel first hears about Jesus he has some questions, but as soon as he meets Jesus, that is all put aside. He is there, following Jesus. We might also think of St. Paul on the road to Damascus, the blinding light moment that made him turn his entire life around. These are the standard conversion stories that come to mind when we think of conversion stories of those who became followers of Jesus.
But Nicodemus offers us a different model of how some come to the faith. Not one with blinding lights, not one with a sudden transformation, but one that has questions and wonderings and doubts. It is a slow transformation of the heart and mind and soul that eventually gets there when it matters most.
If you have had that kind of blinding light road to Damascus moment, that is wonderful. That is fantastic. But if you haven’t, that is also wonderful and fantastic. It is not the only way to have faith. I have talked to many people over the years who have had those great transformative, epiphany mountaintop moments of faith, but I have talked to more over the years whose faith has come slower and more questioning. Sometimes there is an insecurity in this process that people have expressed privately to me. I think Nicodemus is a good model for those who have that experience. I am not saying one is better than the other, but I will point out that Peter abandoned Jesus and denied him three times. Nicodemus, as slow as it might have been, had the courage to be there when it really mattered.
Sometimes I think of Nicodemus as the first Episcopalian, because I know many of you have faith like Nicodemus. You have questions, you have wonderings, you lurk in the shadows of the back pew for years, sneak in and out. But you know what? It is meet and right. It is good because you are here. Anglican spirituality is not one that has put a strong emphasis on those big flashy moments. People have them, don’t get me wrong, and they are good. We spent an entire season of Epiphany celebrating those big flashy moments. But Anglicanism is a spirituality that puts its energy on the slower transformative process. It is one that is not trying to look for the flashy conversion. We are not going to have you come up here and give your testimony about when you came to follow Jesus. This is a tradition that says week in and week out, year in and year out we try to draw closer to Jesus. We try and learn more, bringing all of our questions, all of our wonderings, all of our worries and skepticisms to Jesus. We invite Jesus to answer them, and try slowly to come closer. We try slowly to become one with Christ.
During this Lenten season, my friends, I invite you to take this time to draw closer to God. Take another step, bring another question, engage in another practice that might nourish your soul. You might not necessarily get there all the way, but this is OK. You can try again next year. We just keep at this, bit by bit, bringing our whole selves to Christ, asking for that transformation in the way of love that He came to show us. Draw closer to that way, draw closer to Christ.
AMEN
